Cause Islands Are A Girl's Best Friend
by Troll Princess
Summary: Written for the Pairing List That Ate Fandom Challenge. X-MenPirates of the Caribbean Xover. Rather than Jack Sparrow, Elizabeth ends up on that island with Jubilation Lee, a situation that proves infinitely more troublesome.
1. Chapter One

Title: 'Cause Islands Are a Girl's Best Friend   
Author: Troll Princess   
Fandom: Pirates/X-Men   
Pairing: Jubilee/Elizabeth Swann, written for Round Six of The Pairing List That Ate Fandom   
Summary: Let's just say that Elizabeth had ended up on that island with someone else. And then let's say there was femslash.   
Disclaimer: "Dear Troll Princess' teacher, please excuse her from gym class, as she has borrowed my characters, mythology and universe for her own storytelling purposes. And also, because today is volleyball day and she's universally acknowledged to be absolute crap at it. Love and other indoor sports, the real owners of said characters." 

**

'Cause Islands Are A Girl's Best Friend

**

_Part One_

It's pretty much a given that at some point in your time with the X-Men, you will trip, jump, or get knocked into an interdimensional portal. Hey, happens to the best of 'em ... there you are, casually fighting three armed guards and an incredibly pissed-off laser-carting robot, and somebody suddenly whacks you in the back with their elbow and you go careening into the nearest dimensional fissure. Usually, it's not such a klutzy exit, but if there's one thing Jubilee had perfected, it was the comedic dismount. 

And, hey, it's not like she's never been prepared for the eventuality of temporal and/or dimensional displacement. That's why there were Twinkies. 

"Ha! Score!" Jubilee beamed as she dug through the pockets of her flowing yellow raincoat and removed Whatchamacallit after Milky Way after crumpled bag of Tostitos. She'd had more than enough questions about her questionable fashion sense when it came to her favorite coat, but the truth of it was that there was only so long you could follow the world's most optically challenged Boy Scout before that crappy 'Be Prepared' mantra started to make a sort of dumb sense. So if Jubilee went into every battle wearing a coat loaded with enough junk food to open her own bootleg 7-11 (not to mention a Swiss Army knife, a cell phone, emergency credit cards, etc. -- hell, she wasn't entirely stupid), it was all Scott's fault. Oh, yeah. 

Cozying up on the beach of the small island with her coat spread out under her, Jubilee chomped on an Almond Joy and chewed happily as she waited for the guys to come rescue her. Normally, she'd be more peeved and infinitely more impatient regarding any sort of rescue, and the fact that she hadn't started looking for a way off this 'berg already would surprise the hell out of the rest of the gang. But hell, it was either this calm, empty island in what she guessed was the sunny Caribbean, or back into the fray. And the fray didn't have candy bars going for it. 

Humming the tune to "Kokomo," Jubilee grinned from ear to ear and settled back on the beach as she soaked up the sun. Too bad she hadn't brought her bikini with her to the battle. On second thought, too bad she actually hadn't worn the damn thing _into_ battle. Talk about your elements of surprise. Granted, her elements weren't big, but hey, if that robot had shown up in her little red bikini, she sure as hell would have been surprised. 

"Huh," she said to herself, glancing around the beach. "Wonder where the guys are. Probably made a wrong turn at the temporal rift in Albuquerque or something." Not like they did quite as much rushing to her rescue as they did when she was still technically a kid, but still ... 

Hey ... was that a ship? Or was the sun and candy getting to her? 

Jubilee sat bolt upright and squinted as a large ship with black sails started to move away from the island. Heck, she hadn't even noticed it until now. Of course, she'd been pigging out on snack food and imagining robots in skimpy swimwear, so she supposed she was entitled to be a bit distracted. Admittedly, by mindless crap, but whatever. 

And that's when she noticed the girl. 

The girl staggered to the shore, her long-sleeved once-white dress clinging to her body and her long golden brown hair hanging limply nearly to her waist. Dollars to donuts said she'd been knocked off that ship the same way Jubilee had been whacked through that portal, albeit a bit more intentionally, Jubes would bet. Jubilee narrowed her eyes as the girl scowled at the departing ship, sighing in disgust and rolling her eyes. 

"Hey," Jubilee called out. 

The girl spun toward her, her startled brown eyes going wide as Jubilee pointed to the ship, gave her a look, and said, "No ticket, huh?" 

"Beg pardon?" 

"Uh, sorry. Bad Kevin Smith joke." Jubilee flashed her a smile, then gave the girl's soaking-wet attire a once-over. "Hey, aren't you a little overdressed for the Club Med area?" 

The girl's dark eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms and stared right back at Jubilee, who couldn't help but think about how Drake would be behaving right about now. Whoever she was, the girl was drop-dead gorgeous, with flawless skin and a body to die for. Jubilee's boredom-addled brain couldn't come up with any possible scenario where it was Drake and not her on this island with the unknown and soggy girl that didn't end with Drake yammering like an idiot and melting into a puddle. "Forgive me," the girl said, her soft British accent drifting over Jubilee like a cool breeze, "but I was informed this island was abandoned." 

"It was. I'm borrowing it." 

"I see." The girl quickly scanned the small spit of land, which Jubilee could have told her was useless. No buildings, no people ... heck, there wasn't even a volleyball your average stranded X-Man could turn into a witty conversationalist. "You're not going to try and escape this godforsaken place?" 

Jubilee shook her head and said, "Nah, not really. I mean, I don't have any gigantic margaritas to tide me over, but I've got sun, and junk food, and look, now I've got a volleyball partner. Really, what else do I need?" The girl eyed her curiously, as if she were an alien speaking in advanced Pig Latin., and Jubilee frowned. "Aside from a volleyball. And maybe your name." 

"Elizabeth Swann," the girl said, a reluctant smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "It's a pleasure to meet you." 

She moved a bit closer, and before she could walk past, Jubilee reached out and shook her hand, catching the girl entirely off-guard. "Jubilation Lee. You don't have a deck of cards stuffed down your dress, do you?" 


	2. Chapter Two

Title: 'Cause Islands Are a Girl's Best Friend   
Author: Troll Princess   
Fandom: Pirates/X-Men   
Pairing: Jubilee/Elizabeth Swann, written for Round Six of The Pairing List That Ate Fandom   
Summary: Let's just say that Elizabeth had ended up on that island with someone else. And then let's say there was femslash.   
Disclaimer: "Dear Troll Princess' teacher, please excuse her from gym class, as she has borrowed my characters, mythology and universe for her own storytelling purposes. And also, because today is volleyball day and she's universally acknowledged to be absolute crap at it. Love and other indoor sports, the real owners of said characters." 

**

'Cause Islands Are A Girl's Best Friend

**

_Part Two_

A little while later, as Elizabeth casually squinted up at the tops of the palm trees as if she'd spot a very small airport nestled in their fronds, she listened to Jubilee's sordid tale of battle and dimensional rifts and teammates who took their sweet time with badly needed rescues and gave the young woman with the spiky black hair her unbiased opinion on the matter. 

"That," she said, kicking one of the palm trees in frustration, "is complete and utter nonsense." 

Jubilee smirked as she watched Elizabeth get more and more agitated with every passing second. "Says the girl who just got shoved off the pirate ship into the ocean not an hour ago and yet now has completely dry Herbal Essences hair. Tug the other leg, chica, it plays Justin Timberlake." 

Dragging her attention away from the neverending search for an emergency exit, Elizabeth whirled on Jubilee and snapped, "But you couldn't possibly be from another time! The absurdity of it --" 

Her grin widening, Jubilee waved another one of her numerous snack foods -- one that Elizabeth had already tried and found quite enjoyable -- under the other girl's nose and asked, "Another Twinkie, oh queen and commander of all things logical?" 

Elizabeth's jaw snapped shut, and after a brief moment of smug silence on Jubilee's part, Elizabeth snatched the Twinkie from Jubilee's grasp and let herself smile broadly, making Jubilee go all warm and fuzzy in places she'd rather not think about at the moment. "Don't mind if I do," she said, and peeled the wrapping away like an expert before shoving nearly the whole damn thing into her mouth. Jubilee giggled at that, and Elizabeth chewed and swallowed before giving Jubilee a dark look. "Let's make a pact, shall we? No more questions regarding your obvious mental distress or pastries of questionable origin from me --" 

"And no more mentioning how many of my guy friends would kill small fuzzy animals to switch places with me right now?" 

"Exactly," Elizabeth said. 

She went back to searching the grounds of the island, and Jubilee trailed close behind, asking, "So what are we looking for, exactly?" 

Elizabeth stepped up to a palm tree and rapped on the trunk, and Jubilee briefly wondered if the sudden introduction of Twinkie ingredients into Elizabeth's diet had driven the girl stark raving bonkers. "An acquaintance of mine ..." Elizabeth's voice trailed off for a moment as she allowed herself a groan of exasperation. "... if you even want to call him that, spent quite a bit of time alone on this island once. Perhaps he left something behind we can use." 

Jubilee cocked an eyebrow. "Like what? A cell phone tower? An Internet connection? Stop me when I'm getting warm here." 

Ignoring the strange girl's confusing references, Elizabeth only noticed Jubilee's mocking tone, which didn't help her slowly growing annoyance any. Turning towards the other girl, Elizabeth frowned and said, "I refuse to believe that that conniving scoundrel simply waved his hands in the air and found himself surrounded by ships willing to give him safe passage to the nearest port." Then, with a reluctant grimace, she added, "Then again, this is Jack Sparrow we're speaking of." 

Elizabeth turned to continue searching the large patch of grass they'd wandered onto and the sudden forced lack of attention -- admittedly by someone who was starting to look less emotionally stable than most of the Summers family at this point -- made Jubilee snap, "Okay, you know what? You go ahead and search this entire spit of land for a rowboat or a helicopter or Waldo or whatever the hell you expect to find, and I'm just going to be over on the beach, waiting for the fabric of reality to rip open." 

Elizabeth looked over her shoulder at Jubilee with an amused expression, and Jubilee winced. 

"Damn, and I was trying to end on a smart note," she muttered, and turned on her heels to head back to her coat and her junk food. 

And promptly tripped and fell face first onto the sand. 

"Um, ow," she said, getting up slowly as she rubbed at the part of her face that had hit the sand. 

"Jubilee!" Elizabeth forgot her annoyance and ran to Jubilee's side, inspecting the other girl's face with genuine concern. "Are you all right?" 

"Oh, I'm fine," Jubilee said, wiggling her nose to test for breaks. "My nose is kinda pissed off right now, but I'm not afraid. I'm bigger than it is." She glanced down at the sand, which couldn't possibly be just sand considering how much slamming her face into it had hurt, and her dark blue eyes narrowed as she noticed something the both of them had previously missed. "Why is there a trapdoor in the sand?" 

The pair of them stared down at the door. Then at each other. Then at the door. 

A second later, they both dove for it. 

Yanking it open, the two young women stared down into the musty darkness for a long, silent moment before Elizabeth climbed down the short ladder and let out an angry cry. "That lying ..." Her voice trailed off again as she disappeared into the shadows, and Jubilee thought she'd caught a return trip on the dimensional pothole Jubes was waiting for before Elizabeth reappeared at the bottom of the ladder, looking incredibly pissed and holding a bottle of amber-colored liquid in each hand. "This entire hole is filled with bloody _rum._ I'd wager any amount of money that Jack Sparrow spent his entire time on this island drunk out of his mind before he secured a ride with a crew of rumrunners." 

Jubilee perked up as she reached for one of the bottles. Granted, she wasn't twenty-one yet, but then again, she wasn't even in the twenty-first century anymore. She was pretty sure legal drinking age became null and void right about the time that _you_ did, and she was also pretty sure that if Wolvie or Gambit were here, they'd both suggest that the cure for realizing your age was suddenly in the negative digits was liquor, and lots of it. "Hey, that sounds like a plan," she said cheerfully, hoping that maybe a little rum would get Elizabeth to loosen the hell up. Jubilee waved for Elizabeth to hand her a bottle. "Give it here." 

Reluctantly, Elizabeth passed her a bottle, but mostly so that she could climb out of the dark pit and back onto land. "We are not going to lie about the beach drinking rum until we get rescued," she declared as soon as she got to the top of the ladder. 

"Says you," Jubilee muttered, yanking the cork from the bottle and taking a sniff that made her pull a nasty face. "I've got a pair of S'mores candy bars in my coat that say we've got a drunken bonfire party for two in our future." 

"But Will could be --" 

Finally having had enough, Jubilee rolled her eyes and said, "Look, if you're so gung ho to get off this stinkin' beach, then here --" 

She raised her free hand skyward, and with the slightest bit of concentration, a blinding spray of fireworks shot upwards for a good thousand feet. She let it go for a good thirty seconds, figuring that if anyone was close enough to see that, thirty seconds was more than long enough. Then she lowered her hand, blew coolly against her fingertips, then gave Elizabeth a smug smile. 

Elizabeth stared at her as if she'd suddenly declared herself queen of the squid people. 

"If there's anybody within gawkin' distance," Jubilee said, "they couldn't possibly have missed that." 

Taking a swig of the rum, Jubilee flashed her perkiest smile at the other girl before heading back to the beach, leaving Elizabeth to stare at her retreating back and wonder whether or not this adventure was going to soundly trump the whole undead pirate affair. 

After spending far too long playing mental tug-of-war over the subject, Elizabeth shook off her confusion and trailed after Jubilee. Be she mad or not, Elizabeth couldn't possibly be expected not to go with Jubilee. After all, she _did_ have the Twinkies. 


	3. Chapter Three

Title: 'Cause Islands Are a Girl's Best Friend   
Author: Troll Princess   
Fandom: Pirates/X-Men   
Pairing: Jubilee/Elizabeth Swann, written for Round Six of The Pairing List That Ate Fandom   
Summary: Let's just say that Elizabeth had ended up on that island with someone else. And then let's say there was femslash.   
Disclaimer: "Dear Troll Princess' teacher, please excuse her from gym class, as she has borrowed my characters, mythology and universe for her own storytelling purposes. And also, because today is volleyball day and she's universally acknowledged to be absolute crap at it. Love and other indoor sports, the real owners of said characters." 

**

'Cause Islands Are A Girl's Best Friend

**

_Part Three_

Any sailor keeping watch on a ship passing the small island -- an unlikely scenario indeed at this rate -- would have spotted a large bonfire burning brightly on the small patch of land that actually had the gall to call itself an island, and the occasional cascade of exploding sparks that shot up into the sky like a colorful geyser of light. And, if this particular imaginary sailor had looked closer, he also would have noticed two natives dancing wildly around said bonfire under a full, chillingly white moon and, given the beliefs of such times and geographical locations, one couldn't fault him for assuming the worse and making a hasty exit in the opposite direction. 

After all, if he wanted to run away from imagined voodoo before he found out he'd stumbled upon two pretty, young, drunken women, that was his loss. 

"... me only wish is when the Savior comes for me and you ..." 

Jubilee paused in dancing around the bonfire with Elizabeth (who, it turned out, loosened up quite nicely with a good two-thirds of a bottle of rum in her) and took another swig from her own bottle before yelling in the same Irish accent she'd learned (albeit badly) from Banshee, "He kills the cast of Riverdance, and Michael Flatley, too!" 

The bottle in her hand, as light as it was, still managed to knock her off-balance, and Jubilee stumbled and tipped to her side like an actor in a V-8 commercial. The mental comparison made Jubilee burst into hysterics, even as she tripped awkwardly into Elizabeth's open arms. 

Jubilee's giggles being as contagious as they were, Elizabeth immediately started laughing as she righted the other girl and asked, "Who, might I ask, is Michael Flatley?" 

"Evil incarnate," Jubilee said, sinking awkwardly onto the sand with her bottle still in hand. "With a dorky headband." 

"Ah." Elizabeth promptly sat down next to her, not nearly as gone as Jubilee was but quite warm and drunk enough to let her guard slip further away with every passing second. Jubilee did that to a person, she realized after some admittedly slower-than-usual contemplation. The longer you stayed in Jubilee's presence, the easier it became to place your fears and worries aside and simply relax. And the Lord knew, she hadn't been able to catch her breath in days. Being held captive by cursed pirates didn't exactly help anybody feel comfortable, unless of course, you were delusional, dead, or had a strong affection for rotting bands of thieves. 

Anxious to keep from getting back on that subject again, Elizabeth forced a smile and said, "So, Jubilee. I must know. Why aren't you more anxious to leave?" 

Jubilee let loose with a loud hiccup, something she found hilarious, and after another round of giggles, she flashed Elizabeth a smirk. "You don't know my friends. This happens all the time. You know, one of us gets lost or killed or cloned, and then the rest of us sit around and angst about it for a while before we do something about it. They should be done moping any minute now." 

Elizabeth couldn't help but grin at Jubilee's apparent casualness towards her imminent (or perhaps, not-so-imminent) rescue. "Still playing the mislaid time traveler, are we?" 

"Oh, come on. I've been doing my best impression of a flare gun and you're not buying the interdimensional mambo story? I'm crushed." 

"I suppose there's only so much magic a girl can be asked to believe in in one week," Elizabeth said quietly. 

Jubilee leaned back on the sand to get a better look at the stars, then noticed the wistful expression on Elizabeth's face. "You're not still worried over that Will guy, are you?" 

The British girl cocked an eyebrow at that. "I did mention the part where undead pirates are going to kill him, didn't I?" 

"Well, yeah, but it's not like they're going to do it immediately, right? I mean, from what you told me, they have to go back to their stupid hideout and kill him there. Plus, he's got a gang of good pirates and their captain as back-up, sort of. You keep talking about him like you're the only one who can save him." 

Elizabeth's jaw clenched, and she said with the same vehemence she usually had when she was sober, "I can't let him die. Not after he saved my life --" 

"Is he cute?" 

"Jubilee!" 

"Oh, come on." Jubilee said. "It's a viable question. Exactly how handsome is the saucy chap, hmm?" 

Elizabeth tried to keep a straight face at that, but she couldn't help the way the corners of her mouth tugged upward at the mere thought of Will. "If you must know, very." 

Jubilee wiggled closer with a wicked sparkle in her eyes, giving Elizabeth a friendly nudge in the side with her elbow. "C'mon, details. I'd ask for closest celebrity resemblance, but with my luck, you'd say Johnny Depp and then I'd be really depressed." She caught herself fairly quickly this time, and she rolled her eyes before adding, "If you even knew who Johnny Depp was." 

For a long moment, Elizabeth's eyes shimmered with dreamy tears, her nearly-empty bottle dangling from her fingertips as she stared into the fire. "William Turner is perhaps the bravest, strongest soul I know. He looks upon me as one looks upon an angel fallen from Heaven, and touches me as if he couldn't possibly be worthy of me. Will is a pirate, no matter what he believes, because he has stolen my heart and he doesn't even know it." 

Jubilee stared at Elizabeth for a long time, and the other girl looked up as if expecting her to blurt out some rambling, inappropiately blase response. 

Instead, Jubilee smiled and said, "Wow. No wonder he fell for you." 

For a moment, Elizabeth felt as if she had an ally, a true, honest voice unhindered by societal dictates, but common sense stifled her growing happiness soon enough, and she focused unhappily in the bottle in her hand. "It's no matter. He is a blacksmith." 

"So? Is that like being a crack dealer in this time or something? All that tells me is he's got a steady job, which trumps my last two boyfriends." 

Elizabeth smiled almost condescendingly. "A blacksmith cannot marry a governor's daughter." 

"Why? Are you really a man?" 

"What?" 

Jubilee made a face and waved her hand in the air. "Never mind," she said. "Look, do you like him?" 

"Of course." 

"Does he like you?" 

"Well, yes --" 

"Then hook up, for crying out loud. If you sit around letting everybody else tell you who should marry, you end up on reality TV. Or maybe that's the other way around ..." Jubilee's voice trailed off as if it had given up and gone to bed all of a sudden, but then she recovered her faculties and said, "Whatever. Just look at it this way. If your side wins, he'll probably get to raid the pirate booty or get a reward or something and you're set for life, and if your side loses ... well, then there's a dead blacksmith and a bad pirate infestation, and really, how bad is that? You know, except for the part where it totally is." 

A warm smile crossed Elizabeth's face, wavering only when Jubilee raised her bottle to her lips and took another swig of rum. "I suppose I should attribute that long-winded diatribe to the drink," she said. 

"Hell, why not? God knows I don't normally talk this much." 

Elizabeth highly doubted that, considering that if she'd gotten any impression since she'd landed on the island, it was that it would be much easier to dance with a shark than to keep Jubilee quiet for more than a few precious seconds. But once you got past the bluster and wordy rambling, what she said inevitably made a strange sort of sense. And even when it didn't, it was bound to be amusing. "You aren't as frivolous as you appear to be at first glance," she said. 

Jubilee looked over at her with her head cocked curiously to the side, and in the shadows, her dark blue eyes reflected the bonfire as flickering, dancing sparks. "Uh, thanks. I think." 

The pair of them stared at each other for what could have been forever, in some other alternate dimension, and Jubilee shivered as the bottle clutched in her fingers easily slid to the sand. And suddenly, it hit her that she was really not as drunk as she thought she was but drunk enough to get away with more than she normally could, and there was a tropical beach and a bonfire and a beautiful full moon and Jesus, if Christian Bale were on this beach with her, she'd probably be permanently attached to him at the hips by now -- 

Aw, what the hell, she thought, and went in for the kill. 

The first brush of Jubilee's lips across Elizabeth's sent a wicked shiver of anticipation through her, and she moved closer to the somewhat startled British girl. For a moment, Elizabeth froze, not sure what she was supposed to do with the strange girl currently kissing her. Jubilee tasted of chocolate and rum, and Elizabeth was sure that after drinking as much as she had and eating so many of Jubilee's exotic treats, she must taste the same. But something about the soft velvet of Jubilee's skin, the spicy fragrance of her short hair as it brushed Elizabeth's skin, the teasing flicker of Jubilee's tongue against her lips ... 

The bonfire popped loudly, a sudden crack that set both girls skittering in opposite directions as if someone had fired off a gun right next to them. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have --" 

"That was --" 

Elizabeth smiled weakly, then, trying desperately to avoid the other girl's still heated gaze, Elizabeth darted over to her pallet on the other side of the bonfire. 

Jubilee watched her curl up on her makeshift bedding, Elizabeth's arms wrapping tightly around her knees as she got as comfortable as possible on the dusty blanket they'd boosted from the rum cellar. Oh, this was just _perfect,_ Jubilee thought, wondering how she'd manage to make it this long without screwing up an awkward situation. Of course, usually she did it by not shutting up, whereas this time she'd done it by not only shutting herself up, but also shutting up the only other person on the island. 

Granted, very nearly with her tongue, but still ... 

You ... you got a freebie, right? One experiment with another chick, and then back to the land of the usually straight people. Kinda like a Get Out of Heterosexuality Free Card. 

Right? 

With a nervous frown, Jubilee contemplated going over and talking with Elizabeth about the whole makeout session, but instead she lie back on her outspread coat and stared up at the perfect, pinprick stars dashed across the midnight sky. 

She couldn't possibly be ... it was just one kiss. That didn't count. There had to be, like, a gay entry fee or something. You know, five kisses, some public fondling, and at least one earth-shattering orgasm. Ooo, or maybe a gay height requirement. "You must be this tall to ride the lesbian." 

Jubilee groaned and rolled over to face away from the bonfire. Oh, God, she didn't even want to think about what Drake was going to say about this one if he ever found out. Then again, Jubilee'd bet her entire CD collection on Bobby having a nice, comfy reserved spot in the back corner of some extremely large closet somewhere right next to a pile of ugly stirrup pants and some crappy porn. So maybe his opinion on the whole gay thing wasn't exactly respectable. 

Ha! Elizabeth had to be a mutant. That's just all there was to it. This whole attraction that was suddenly popping up had to be the other girl's fault, Jubilee thought with a slowly growing smile. _I mean, look at her. All gorgeous and thin and friendly and with that really sexy British accent -- _

Oh, cripes, I'm talking myself into this whole lesbian thing. 

C'mon, you. Think of hot guys. Orlando Bloom. Brad Pitt. Keanu Reeves. **Orlando Bloom.**

Jesus, I kissed a girl. I **kissed** a **girl.**

And not only that, now I have that stupid novelty song stuck in my head. Well, shit. 

Oh, yeah. This was definitely going to suck. 


	4. Chapter Four

Title: 'Cause Islands Are a Girl's Best Friend   
Author: Troll Princess   
Fandom: Pirates/X-Men   
Pairing: Jubilee/Elizabeth Swann, written for Round Six of The Pairing List That Ate Fandom   
Summary: Let's just say that Elizabeth had ended up on that island with someone else. And then let's say there was femslash.   
Disclaimer: "Dear Troll Princess' teacher, please excuse her from gym class, as she has borrowed my characters, mythology and universe for her own storytelling purposes. And also, because today is volleyball day and she's universally acknowledged to be absolute crap at it. Love and other indoor sports, the real owners of said characters." 

**

'Cause Islands Are A Girl's Best Friend

**

_Part Four_

Jubilee woke up in the middle of a growing case of a sunburn on her nose, Elizabeth's third exploding cask of rum, and a dream in which Wolvie was teaching munchkins to Electric Slide while wearing a bunny costume. 

Truth be told, she couldn't figure out which of the three was more unsettling. 

Well, it certainly wasn't the sunburn, she thought, as she rubbed at the sore spot with a wince. And it sure as hell wasn't being awakened by explosions. Jeez, considering how often the mansion got attacked, Jubilee would have set up her alarm clock to wake up with a loud "BOOM!" if she'd actually thought it would work. Of course, Elizabeth's first two casks that had blown up when flung into the fire hadn't elicited so much as a flinch out of Jubilee, who'd mumbled something that sounded like "Give Mags ten bucks and tell him to come back in an hour," before rolling over and going back to blissful sleep. 

Well, now she was awake, and she was pretty damn confused. 

Okay, more confused than usual. 

Stumbling to her feet as the rise in temperature and the sting of smoke in the air suddenly hit her, Jubilee jogged over to where Elizabeth stood next to a stack of provisions from the rum cellar, stared in annoyance at the fire engulfing the palm trees on this end of the island, and asked, "What the hell are you doing?" 

Elizabeth flung aother bottle of rum onto the fire, then raced away as the bottle shattered from the heat. "I am destroying that foul stash of drink, not to mention creating a beacon the ships that are bound to be looking for me can't possibly miss. _That_ is what I am doing." 

With a frown, Jubilee glanced at the fire, then at her own hands, then back at Elizabeth. The fact that Elizabeth had gone back to being so very desperate to leave wasn't a good thing. And that she'd known full well what Jubilee could do and decided that setting the island on fire was a better option ... yeah, that didn't imply many good things, either. 

Waving at Elizabeth and offering her what she hoped was an apologetic smile, Jubilee said, "Uh, McFly? Remember me, the walking fireworks dispenser?" She wiggled her fingers in the air, and showers of sparks cascaded from her hands. 

Elizabeth's only response to that was to walk over to the pile of provisions next to the fire and pitch in another cask. 

"Stop making the rum go away!" Jubilee blurted out. Not like she had suddenly decided to become an alcoholic or anything, it was just ... well, fire and alcohol meant explosions. And jeez, _she_ could do that. Why waste perfectly good alcohol on a signal fire during an era with no legal drinking age when one of you is practically a flare gun? 

"I most certainly will not," Elizabeth said as she surveyed the fire in satisfaction. 

"Why not?" 

Elizabeth spun on her, her eyes ablaze with barely restrained anger, and she bit out, "One, because it is a vile drink which turns even the most level-headed of persons into complete libertines --" 

"I'm guessing now would be a bad time to make a crack about using the rum for body shots," Jubilee muttered under her breath before she could stop herself. 

"-- and two, that signal is over a thousand feet high --" 

Jubilee scowled as if she'd been mortally offended. "Hey, **I'll** handle the thousand-foot-high discharges here," she yelled, then paled as her eyes widened and she realized what she'd said and how it had sounded. "Oh, my God, this island has a gutter, and my brain is in it." 

Something in Elizabeth's brown eyes clouded, giving her a somewhat haunted look, and Jubilee had to resist the urge to give her a great big hug. "I am not going to just lie about this godforsaken island with you forever, no matter what you might desire," she said softly. 

"Oh, come on! Nobody on this island is desiring anybody else on this island, okay? We're just casually chatting and eating the last of my junk food and then there was that one time I nearly stuck my tongue in your mouth --" Elizabeth flinched and started back towards the remains of their bonfire, and Jubilee winced before calling out in her own defense, "That sentence stopped way earlier in my head." 

Ignoring the other girl, Elizabeth plopped down in the sand and settled her skirt around her as she focused her all-too-serious gaze on the horizon. "Give it an hour, maybe two, and I assure you we'll be seeing sails on the horizon." 

"Elizabeth ..." 

The British girl didn't acknowledge her at all this time, and Jubilee sighed. "All right, so maybe I don't meet the height requirement." 

"What?" 

"Nothing," Jubilee snapped, then walked away before she said something she regretted. 

Stomping off down the beach away from the conflagration currently taking over the island's sparse growth of palm trees, Jubilee clenched and unclenched her fists as she tried in vain to remember why the hell she'd ever thought Elizabeth was the least bit attractive. Because, yeah, she was beautiful, and spirited, and smart and funny and a much better kisser than you'd think -- 

Jubilee rolled her eyes. Maybe she'd get lucky and this was like a cold that was going around. Yeah, that was it. A twenty-four-hour homosexuality bug. _"The doctor wants me to take two female cast members of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and call him in the morning with details. Lots and lots of details."_

Oh, she was trying to reason this whole thing out waaaay too much. 

Arms swinging, she stalked off away from Elizabeth, grumbling, "Could shoot off a thousand feet high in my sleep. Hell, I have shot off a thousand feet high in my sleep. That's why I have a skylight now --" She stopped walking all of a sudden, right about at the very spot where the original portal had spat her out onto the sand, and groaned loudly before she yelled to the sky. "For Pete's sake, this island doesn't even have a Sheetz store. Why does it have a freakin' gutter for my brain to hang out in?" 

Now, most major deities, upon hearing such a inquiry, would have merely been amused and left it at that. The minor deities, whose sense of humor had never been up to par with the kind of work it took to manage extensive universe changes, would have answered in such a literal way that it probably would have resulted in a rather incoherent Jubilee chasing her brain down a magically appearing gutter as her misplaced internal organ bobbed its way towards the sea. This sort of random confusion and stupifying behavior out of the gods was why most of the minor deities were in charge of deciding which network TV shows stayed on the air. 

As it was, the X-Men were lucky enough to have their own minor deity in charge of their affairs. And at times like this, he could be a real bastard. 

Which was evidenced by the fact that the precise moment Jubilee called out to the sky, the dimensional portal opened back up and spat Bobby Drake at her like an oddly cold pumpkin seed. 

The both of them yelped as Bobby fell onto her, slamming the two of them into the sand in an awkward heap. Further down the beach, Elizabeth leapt to her feet and raced towards the fissure in the fabric of reality, only to find Jubilee lying prone on the shore with a young man dressed in a uniform vaguely like hers sprawled on top of her. 

"Jubilee," she said anxiously, reaching out and grabbing onto Jubilee's shoulder. 

Elizabeth watched as Jubilee's eyes opened just a tad, looked up at Elizabeth, then slammed shut. "Oh, yeah, she said with a hint of resignation. "This isn't embarrassing at all." 

The man lying on top of Jubilee groaned and struggled to take some of his weight off of the girl's light frame. "Jeez, Jubes, you want to eat a few more sandwiches every once in a while? Your bony elbows aren't exactly a lot of fun to land on." 

Disregarding Elizabeth as the British girl dragged her gaze away from the pair to stare at the swirling vortex above them, Jubilee glared up at Bobby and wriggled underneath him, trying to push him off of her. "Yeah, well, you're not a lot of fun to catch, you know," she said, giving him a good shove and making him roll over onto the sand. 

The two of them went silent for a long moment, Jubilee sitting up and rubbing at the back of her neck and Bobby taking in their tropical (albeit partly burning) surroundings. Then their gazes connected once again, and identical grins crossed their faces. 

"Hey, Jubilee." 

"Hey, Bobby. Took you long enough." 

"Don't look at me," he said, holding up his hands in surrender. "I was just hanging back waiting for the big blue lug to get that sucker open while the others fought off the guards. Hank's the one who was taking forever to MacGyver that dimensional transport doohickey back together again." 

Jubilee's brow furrowed. "You didn't actually call it a doohickey in front of him, did you?" 

"Are you kidding? He'd make me leave the fight and go find a thesaurus." 

"Good Lord. You really were telling the truth, weren't you?" 

Both of them looked up at Elizabeth, whose wide-eyed gaze was fixed on the wondrous, curious sight above her. She nearly reached out to touch it, one hand raising slightly before she seemed to think better of it and let it drop to her side. Bobby took her in appreciatively from head to toe, clearly impressed with Elizabeth's graceful beauty, and Jubilee fought a wave of jealousy that she didn't feel like acknowledging right now. And even if she were worried about competition ... well, no offense to Bobby, but if he'd landed on this island instead of her and it'd been Elizabeth's hottie blacksmith stuck on this island with him, they'd probably already be married in a civil union and adopting one of the coconuts by now. 

Something in Elizabeth's stunned demeanor -- even after all of the things she'd already seen and heard -- rubbed against Jubilee's last nerve, and she got to her feet bfore saying, "Well, I was going to use a more believable story, but that 'cursed undead pirates' bit was already taken." 

A muscle in Elizabeth's jaw flickered as she gave Jubilee a look that would have fried an egg in the shell, and she glanced briefly at Bobby before asking, "Won't you introduce me to your ... friend?" 

Frowning, Jubilee waved her hands between the two of them. If there was one thing she sucked at, it was introductions. "Elizabeth, this is Bobby Drake. Bobby, this is Cleopatra, Queen of Denial." 

Elizabeth scowled at her, and she took her cues from Jubilee's behavior upon their meeting -- proper young ladies in this day and age did not shake hands, but she supposed those from Jubilee's time did it all the time, and twice on Sundays -- and stuck out her arm to Bobby for a handshake. "Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr. Drake," she said, sounding haughtier than Jubilee had heard her sound since the moment they'd met the day before. Up until this point, she'd almost been casual, and suddenly a man showed up and she slapped back on her I'm-a-governor's-daughter airs. _Typical,_ Jubilee thought as she crossed her arms. _Wait a sec. Typical?! Oh, I so need some cookie dough ice cream and a Tom Cruise movie, stat. Mmm-hmm._

Bobby shook Elizabeth's hand with enthusiasm, gifting her with his patented goofy grin. "It's a pleasure to meet your breasts," Bobby said, then blushed furiously when both girls glared daggers at him. "You! I meant you. And also your breasts, because, you know, they come attached." 

"That verbal diarrhea of yours getting any better?" Jubilee asked. 

"Not lately," Bobby answered with regret, then pointed to a slowly growing speck on the horizon. "Is that a ship?" 

Elizabeth spun around to look, and sure enough, an all-too-familiar ship of the king's navy moved closer with every passing second. She beamed at the sight of it, and her smile lit a spark in her eyes that made Jubilee shiver. "See? I told you! I knew my father and the commodore would see to my safe return. We're saved!" 

"Correction," Bobby said, standing up and grabbing Jubilee's wrist. "You're saved. Jubilee's off with me on the next portal out of --" 

In the grand tradition of all things with exceptional timing, the portal chose that precise moment to implode. 

The edges sucked inward, as if a huge vacuum cleaner nozzle were cleaning up this particular nuisance in an entirely different dimension, and the second it winked out of existence for the second time in as many days, a ripple of energy flowed outwards and hit the nearby trio, flinging them backwards onto the beach. 

The three of them lie there on the sand for what felt like an eternity, flat on their backs staring up at the spot where an interdimensional portal had been only a moment before. And, with the trio in that rather embarrasing arrangement, Bobby chose that precise moment to say, "-- here," finishing off his sentence with a resignated sigh. 

Jubilee resisted the urge to beat him to death with a shovel. The lack of a shovel helped. 

Elizabeth eased herself up, then asked, "Was that supposed to happen?" 

After exchanging a worried look, both X-Men looked up at the space which had just been occupied by their ticket home, sighed simultaneously, and said in perfect unison, "Oh, that's not good." 


End file.
